How to embrace everyday weirds

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Raeden Shanks, Co-Head Photographer, Cartoonist

Today’s society is filled with a lot of weird things: blankets with arms, talking toilets, personal submarines and Kanye West, to name a few. Ironically, the weirdest of them all are the things we use everyday; so let’s delve into some of the peculiar things humans do without blinking an eye.

Massages are up first. At first glance, getting a massage is a normal way to relax and relieve stress, but let’s take a moment to ponder what an odd pastime it really is. Think about it: somewhere, sometime in history, someone said to someone else, “Oh, your feet hurt? Maybe if I squeeze them in various places they’ll feel better.”

Even more peculiar is the fact that we willingly lay on a plastic table and let a stranger massage us. To me, that looks like the beginning of a CSI Miami episode. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good massage as much as the next guy, but jeez are they weird.

Speaking of weird, who invented soup? Who decided that vegetables and noodles needed to be hot and wet and edible with a spoon? It’s like someone decided to boil their carrots one day and got too lazy to pour the water out, and that laziness stuck around.

Don’t get me started on chowder. Strawberries in cream make sense, but corn and potatoes in cream? Might as well. Hot carrot water just wasn’t hearty enough I guess.

Now that we’re on a roll pondering odd everyday things, let’s talk about cars, or as I like to call them, expensive metal boxes on wheels. People who drive expensive metal boxes on wheels have incredible trust in other drivers of expensive metal boxes on wheels: they trust that the person driving right beside them at 60 miles per hour in the opposite direction will not cross that four-inch wide yellow line.

Some cars today even have DVD systems, allowing people to watch movies at high speed, when movies at a standstill are already strange.

Seriously, there has to be something off about the human race if we enjoy watching people pretending to be other people while acting out scenarios for a good two hours. Furthermore, we see the same actors pretending to be different people in different movies, and we just go with it. They look they same; they sound the same; but we as a species decided to accept they have become a different person for the time being.

The world is a strange place with strange traditions. Maybe one day, we’ll start doing things that make sense, but right now we’re comfortable with what we’ve got. Excuse me now—I have to drive my expensive metal box on wheels to my foot squeezing appointment after eating my hot carrot water and watching Bradley Cooper pretend not to be Bradley Cooper.